Domestic Goddess Chronicles

Uncompromisingly Lazy & Proud

2011-11-03T19:16:00.000-07:00

My husband gave me a compliment but I thought he was poking fun at me. He said I was "uncompromisingly lazy" in the bestest way. I had started our conversation after cleaning the kitchen top to bottom in a rare show of get-it-done-all-at-once-ness when I realized that I was brilliant.

Step 1: Microwave glass bowl w/ some water for 1 min.
Step 2: Remove bowl, place knobs from oven/stovetop in hot water.
Step 3: Wipe out steamed interior of microwave to remove baked on foods EASILY.
Step 4: Wipe off loosened dirt from knobs and reapply to stovetop.
Step 5: Find something lazy to enjoy.

Now that's an awful lot of work for someone who's lazy, but consider the "uncompromising" part first. I'm not willing to settle for not doing or partway doing anything I set my mind to accomplish. So - the kitchen was going to get cleaned, I just do a little quick figuring of what tasks naturally go together to help one another (and me) get done in a jiffy.

Other two-step pairs that I love:

Use garbage can as mop bucket - floors / garbage can cleaned.
Use dirty dishrag to scrub those floor stains (with your toe, no bending over here!) - cleans the floor before mopping / uses dirty rag rather than clean one.

Any other ideas?

My time is valuable, and today I acted like it. I respected myself and my space by using every ounce of what I've got (mind and matter) to make the world go in the direction I want. Maybe its a small victory, after all the inside of microwaves and stove knobs just aren't that big of a deal in most people's world.

Today, they're clean in my world and I realized that I put more thought into my job as a Domestic Goddess than many people put into their work or lives. I combine trips and pick the best route to reach that pharmacy with sideways parking and the grocery store that is always situated on my way home. I do these things by choice, decision and with intentional and uncompromising laziness. I work very hard to accomplish things quickly so that every moment of life can be joyous and something I choose to engage.

Don't get me wrong here, I don't rush through my life wishing it all away. I simply make work as elegantly organized as play so that I get more done for less work. I'm entirely "disinclined to work" as the dictionary puts it. I'd rather be reading a fabulous book while curled up on the comfy chair.

I did not do dishes. So there!

2011-05-31T18:40:00.000-07:00

No, I did not do dishes today. I know, I'm a bad housekeeper with a pile of plates to prove it. If you care so much, you do them!

Instead, I worked harvesting the compost we've developed for two years to enrich the soil in a 5 x 10 patch of impossible red clay for a small garden. 7 plants - that's it. Go ahead - laugh. My garden is late, small and oddly shaped.

The truth is, I'm beginning to learn that there's a time to just say "forget the Joneses, this is about me!" The Joneses have upside-down tomatoes and raised beds with heirloom this and organic that. Of course, based on the weary looks of some parents I've seen, I wonder what they'd think if I hid a mirror in the marigolds for them to see.

I see 7 plants surrounded by deep rich dirt and a kid who puffs up proudly when he talks about what we did today -- together. He never feels that way about clean sinks, but I hold out hope for one day. (Yes, I'm insanely optimistic sometimes).

Why am I planting a garden? What is my purpose? (oh, yes - existential is *so* in this year) If it is to impress others or get accolades then perhaps I need a swift kick in my dirty pockets. It isn't to show my kid how to do everything perfectly, but to do and to ENJOY the time. I'm awful at being there, "in the moment".... but boy can I make a lifelong career out of worrying over those plates. I was raised Southern, second only in guilt to stereotypical Jewish grandmothers.

I want to change that guilt thing. I really do. Thus the defensive obstinate way I handle dishes. I want more pictures taken where I'm laughing and disheveled from silly tickles or great conversation. Besides, everyone looks less fat when smiling, right? I want to live without regrets, earn my laugh lines and divide the pieces of value from the worrywart ancestors I hear echoing every time I throw out a crumb. (Have they seen my waist? Seriously- can't have it both ways.)

I want a lot of things..... but how to keep that wish list straight between laundry, dishes and the idyllic Rockwell family? It's easy to get lost in the doing and forget the reason for pulling myself outta comfy sheets and out into the sweaty, dirty sun. And believe me, after yesterday's garage cleaning it was seriously tug-o-bed. But memories are good and uncovering my version of idyllic is better (mostly) than sleeping in. If I were watching a sit-com I'd wonder at my writers.

Do I think he'll be president because I made this choice? Nah - maybe not. But then again, a garden at the White House has gotten quite a lot of attention - so who am I to say?

I didn't wash my dishes because I was too busy living my life. So sue me.

I'm trying not to shred my sanity with "should's" and "could's," but I'm losing a little. The ghost of my mother is seriously having a fit about those dishes with wailed haunting threats of deathly diseases and perilous sloth. And yes, I'm writing an entry about them so obviously I do care. Certainly we need clean dishes and good food. And I need sanity, but what I've got is a mini garden instead. *shrug* It is a start.

But do those dishes *have* to be cleaned right now? No... not really. A few hours won't matter much and no one I know remembers how many dishes were in the sink at home.

The School book also changes

2010-08-03T06:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, although it wasn't for the very first time, I sent my Sunshine to public school just down the road from our house. The first time was for three weeks in Kindergarten, but let's not get lost in the painful past. There are a myriad of reasons for putting a hold on homeschooling, and logically they are very sound.

I needed the time since I am possibly having total reconstruction on my knee in a few weeks.
He's 10 and is going to have to learn that there is another system out there and how to manage it for himself.
He can't make an informed decision about homeschool / public school if he's never seen the other side of the schoolyard fence.
This experience is one he has never shared with his peers, and at least somewhat it isolates him socially. A little time experiencing that world can give him lots of understanding and he'll get the cafeteria food jokes.
The time he is in school could allow me to do some side writing to earn a few bucks and help us out financially, something I'm sure tons of people are trying to do just now.

Logically, it is a clean and well thought choice we've made. Emotionally I'm not so sure I can find my center and breathe yet. I made it 5 minutes without wishing my partner in crime was home with me and then I determined that I needed to get on that looming To Do List of Doom (tm). That worked right up until I realized I didn't know how to be alone anymore. How in the world did this happen? Surely I've been alone over the last 10 years? Hello! I'm a Domestic Goddess for goodness sake!

Apparently one of the biggest reasons Sunshine needed a trip down the road wasn't about him, it was about me. A few hard minutes with my journal (the first time in months) gave me a pretty harsh look in the dusty mirror. Truthfully, I've been focused outside of myself and I've forgotten how to truly be alone and put my own list of items to do at the center of my thoughts. I've been care-taking for everyone but me, a major crime even in my own book.

So I'm back to square 2.4 (I'll never go back to the "just a mom" place of square 1) and I'm learning to be this new person with a new schedule. And yeah, 6 am finds me crying out for lazier days and peeling my kid out of bed. Doing it together with him, though, means we get to share that piece of the day at least and I kinda like the music he chooses to listen to while we eat.

Maybe he only stays a semester in public school, but I'm gonna give it a try to see what we each learn from this experience.

I've already learned that I can get tons done in the early AM and that makes me feel 9 feet tall, but by 10 o'clock at night I'm wilting and I'm only 5' 2" again. What makes you tall? What has you putting a smile on the calendar and saying "yep - I did it great!"?

Soggy-Free and Safe Lunches

2010-03-26T14:13:00.000-07:00

I’m a conscientious lunch packer and I want my food to taste awesome. After all, if I’m going to put this much effort into foods it should be worth it. But what kinds of foods work well for Good 2 Go? Aren’t there rules about how to make things that travel safely and reheat well? What about containers? I discovered about an hour after I decided to do Good 2 Go that I was really asking for trouble.

Foods are inherently a little bit dangerous because they can harbor bacteria and nasty little germs to make us very very ill. I’m not a fan of poisoning my family (even though occasionally I’ve brushed past that thought in regards to my husband) so I did some research. I want the lunches to be safe and I thought about what kinds of foods travel well. It helps if you think about picnic foods. These need only a little refrigeration and minimum packaging. Some of the broad categories I picked up on at first:

· Raw and cooked vegetables

· Cheese, especially harder cheeses like cheddar and gouda

· Breads like tortillas or heavy grain breads so they don’t get crushed

· Salads

· Cous cous or lentils

· High acid foods like tomato sauces

· Well-cooked and well-refrigerated meats

Ultimately I know that my husband has a refrigerator at his workplace, but there will be that inevitable day when work gets overwhelming and lunch gets left on his desk. I’d still like for him to eat well on those days.

My theory on planning lunch was simple (I thought): Don’t make anything I already make for dinner. This would make sure that lunch was a new and interesting dish. The added bonus here is that I’d have new skills in the kitchen and be learning something too. Of course, the second week I got busy and suddenly it was Sunday again. I really needed something fast so I grabbed my remaining eggs and emptied out the leftovers. Some cheese, ham, sautéed spinach and a couple of premade pie crusts = quiche in my world. I dashed together the eggs with herbs and such and set it aside. I cut the pie crusts (or in my case croissant dough I had leftover) into rounds and shoved them into muffin tins. A little chopped cheese, ham or spinach and I spooned the filling in. This will be a great way to stretch ingredients and gets my guy eating vegetarian at least one meal.

I knew the protein was locked down with the mini-quiche, but what about vegetables with those all important vitamins? What about fiber? I wasn’t going to add a starch because I’d already used the crust. I grilled some asparagus with olive oil and garlic which I thought would work well. Later I ended up using steamed broccoli, but really any green vegetable would work. For the other side dish I decided to try something new: Samosa-like lentil snacks. I found these delicious treats on http://www.justhungry.com/2005/06/samosalike_lent.html and whoa.... are they tasty! This unique little snack packs a very big flavor punch. I tucked 3 of these balls with a light dipping sauce made of low fat yogurt, spring onions and dill.

Putting Good 2 Go in a container should have been simple, but the practical side of me wouldn’t rest until I found a solution for sending the sauce with the lentil balls without it getting heated in the microwave. Fortunately, it was about this time that I was wandering lost in thought on aisle 8 of the grocery store. I happened upon a little bento-like box stashed to the side of the regular plastics. Since I got lost looking at all the bento on www.justbento.com, I thought surely this was the universe helping me out. So I snatched up a set of two and the large compartment just held two mini quiches. The smaller sections held the asparagus and lentil balls and I put a tiny kid’s snack container on the side with the dipping sauce!

I even had a little extra so I shared with a vegetarian friend, who might want me to make lunches for her as well!

Fiscal Food

2010-03-18T18:19:00.000-07:00

We’re cutting our budget, trimming our tasks and cinching in that waistline too. This started with our yearly sit-down at a lovely dinner to review the family budget. Yeah – budget isn’t as tasty a word as I’d like to discuss normally, but I’ve learned a new-found respect for those budget hounds that tout their happiness. I’ve run in fear from money all my life and now I’m finally standing my ground. This year I’ll be doing that through food.

One of the largest expenses for my partner is lunch. He grabs food through windows and shortened lunchtimes at his high pressure job. These bags and boxes average $8 if you include the fast food burgers and the Thai lunch specials. Over the course of a month that’s $160 that he could use to go to school or go on vacation with us. Or better yet, to add to his credit card payments and beat that debt back down.

I’ve always been about taking little steps rather than leaping off a ledge, so it seemed simple to just start packing lunch for him to take to work. But I know enough about how food and our minds interact to figure out that a few sandwiches and a few leftover spaghetti lunches would quickly send him out at lunchtime. I also realized that I had the perfect opportunity to influence how long my guy gets to hang around.

If I am fixing lunches then I can fix yummy food that just happens to be healthy and tastes good enough to keep him out of the drive-thru. Healthier food might mean a longer life, but really I just don’t want to be left alone with all the stuff we want to do.

But what kinds of food can I make that are:

• Tasty
• Healthy
• High in fiber
• High in protein
• High in vegetables with antioxidants and vitamins
• Low in simple carbohydrates
• Satisfying for my big eater
• Different from my regular fare
• Travels particularly well
• Challenges my cooking skills to grow and develop

Just so we’re clear – that list of requirements means that I’ve set myself a huge challenge. In short – I’m insane. But once an overachiever, always one, right?

Since the main idea was to save money and get healthier, I needed research on some awesome recipes and fast! Ideally lunches needed to be cheap as well as good for you, so I’ve kept the cost to under $10/week.

My first foray into these lunches, which I nicknamed Good 2 Go, was driven by the bits of vegetables I had on hand. Vegetables? Leftovers? I immediately thought – Chinese food! I tossed Bok Choy, carrots, onions, corn, water chestnuts and just a bit of low-sodium soy in a wok while a batch of brown rice was cooking. I think there were other ingredients, but I was cooking late on Sunday and I don’t remember every one of the details!

To keep the meat and potatoes crowd happy I made salmon to go with the stir-fry. All of the teriyaki sauces, one of his favorites, seem to have a lot of salt, high fructose corn syrup and MSG. I’m not a fan of these chemicals so I did a little research and combined a few recipes to make my own unique teriyaki. I have to pause because one of my challenges became clear right here.

How much salmon should I send? I wanted him to feel full and satisfied, but not uncomfortable or over fed. Apparently America and my partner have a strange sense of what is a decent size portion! I made sure the salmon (and a couple pieces of chicken) were about the size of my palm. Slicing the chicken makes it seem like it is much more meat than is actually there (but don’t tell him that!).

A few leftover Chinese takeout containers were repurposed for Good 2 Go and I sectioned everything off so the rice didn’t get overly soggy. I did eventually find miniature Bento-type boxes at the grocery store with cute little sections and just enough space for a proper size lunch.

The results? So far, so good! Lunches have been met with rave reviews and no claims that he gets hungry in the afternoons. Better yet, a few extra pounds have slipped unwittingly from his waist. As a non-diet, this seems to be working very well.

I know Chinese works really well because he loves Oriental flavors and leftovers are generally tasty, but next week I need to kick it into high gear and really understand what makes food travel well and reheat well. Oh, and of course I must keep up the interesting foods!

Seasonal Sickness...the "Cleaning Bug"

2009-12-21T13:01:00.001-08:00

I don't have time for this! I have cookies to make, packages to acquire and wrap, parties to attend and even extra birthdays to celebrate. What in the world am I doing deciding that two days before Christmas I'm going to do some serious spot cleaning of my carpets? No one will notice the same stain I've stepped over hundreds of times in the past few weeks... why now?

I don't have a really good answer, I wish I did. I just know that every time something gets rearranged in one room or shifted about for certain holidays I find myself insisting that I clean under, behind, around and through whatever items are moved. I always find dust, goldfish, electronics pieces and whatnot so I know the cleaning is needed. Maybe I'm just aware on some secret inner level that I'm just not going to intentionally move everything in my house in some massive Spring Cleaning Binge (tm) a la my mother.

The garland goes up and the cobwebs come down. The mistletoe is tied, the cords are untangled. The tree goes up, my endtable gets moved and rubbed down with oil. Its a nice balance of cleaning out the old for the new events in my life. I'm a little ashamed of just exactly how many cobwebs I find, but at least I chase them down every so often. My family only sees the lights, the Christmas Village and the super secret graham cracker crisps I make.

Of course, they make fun of me for the move and clean mania, but ultimately my dust bunnies aren't dust dinosaurs. That's good enough for me.

The Great House Detective & Pebble Cleaning

2009-12-08T10:10:00.000-08:00

Certainly I can tell you that my husband had shredded wheat (new package needed to be cut open with scissors) this morning and that he enjoyed a beer last night. I can also add one clementine to the list of foods my son has eaten, but not because he told me. No - I am the Great House Detective and my powers to discern always amaze my family, but its really not that mysterious. I simply look around.

I see the top of the package lying next to the scissors, the bottle cap of the beer and the opener, and the bowl with the peel of the clementine all strewn care-free around my kitchen. But it isn't care free for me! Seriously, I find myself struggling to be patient because I am a Domestic Goddess - not a garbage woman!

Somewhere along the line I developed the ability to toss trash out with a flick of my wrist as I turned and checked the soup on the stove. I learned that as I leave one room I anticipate where I'm going and take something that belongs in my destination and put it away. Apparently this isn't a skill that is taught in the industrialized education system, but it surely should be! With the plethora of house cleaning, house organization, and "time saver" techniques in the media (think "Clean House") it is plainly obvious that our society needs to gets its act cleaned up. Trouble is, we just don't know how!

Rather than moving things around (again!) perhaps it is time that we learn to rearrange our thoughts into patterns that support our lives rather than pull at the loose threads on the edge.

I like to think of this method as "Pebble Cleaning," based on the story of the thirsty crow and the water. The story goes that a thirsty crow spied a glass of water. It held only a little cooling liquid and the bird couldn't get his head into the glass. So - one by one he added pebbles to the glass until the water rose to the level where he could drink easily. Each action we take impacts our world and each motion we make to raise the level of our homes gives us satisfaction in the bigger picture. Tossing that trash is more than just helpful, its a pebble in the waters!

The little picture shows me a scattering of objects, but I can see these objects because I slowly moved all of the mail, kid artwork, random drill bits, newspaper, empty bag and dirty cups from that counter prior to my husband's breakfast and my son's snack. I don't remember doing this, but I know that during the day as I headed for the bathroom I'd grab the tape that belonged on my desk and drop it off on the way through the room. Pebble Cleaning at its best.

I'm no saint, so don't get me wrong here. My home's constant state of evolving clutter means I rarely think my home is "done" or "clean." I've just learned that removing cleaning from living and setting it aside as a separate and dreaded task just makes me not clean at all. I resent the time, the intrusion and the effort. I even detest the thought of "Saturday cleaning." Clean as I move around though and it seems less hateful, like I'm just living my life amid my things and this is what life takes - order and a little maintenance.

I am still not the garbage woman, and I asked my family to clean up their trash. The amazement of me spying it there in the first place is still there, but I continue to try to instill in them that there is no maid. Adjusting their thinking toward Pebble Cleaning and simply doing the job of life is what the lesson becomes. Resenting the intrusion of cleaning on our "lives" leads down some rather dingy and crowded corridors of ignoring what it takes to really live. If you don't want to clean up stuff, don't have stuff at all! (Minimalism isn't their style though! lol)

From Bad Fruit to Smoothie Sailing

2009-07-29T10:47:00.001-07:00

It is inevitable that the bunch of bananas that looked like just enough at the store are left on the counter by the family untouched. I see the brown spots begin and I know its a rush to eat 'em, but then we're going out of town this next weekend. I face those bananas (and maybe the leftover fruit at the bottom of my crisper) with dread. I feel like a failure as a healthy mom since Nature's good foods just sit and rot. I'm supposed to think of great ways to encourage them to eat & enjoy these foods, so what went wrong?

I searched my brain and found I'd been inventive, creative, encouraging and healthy. The mashed potatoes on the Shepherd's Pie have cauliflower in them, the beef stroganoff is over high fiber noodles with low-fat sour cream, and there are more veggies at every meal than meats/starches. I've kept my fruits seasonal, local, and listened to what the family wanted to see in that little wooden bowl. I'd done everything right - we just had too much fruit. The lesson for me here is that its not always that I've failed, but that I've succeeded too well in providing available and easy foods that are healthy.

Often I assume there's some clue I don't have in making things work, but the reality is that I'm assuming a lack in myself rather than a simple state of being. I've got fruit going bad. If I start with just that thought, then my mind quickly jumps to "what can we do with it" rather than the self-defeating "I've messed up" thoughts that begin when I see the fruit as my fault.

So what did I do? I peeled the bananas and cut them into thick slices which were frozen individually on a piece of waxed paper. When they were solid I put them in a freezer bag labeled and dated. The last of the strawberries and some blueberries I found on super sale also went the wax paper / freezer route. These will make fabulous smoothies for my son and I after a hard day of home schooling and we can talk about frugal living and nutrition while we do it.

The obstacles to the smoothies were all in my attitude of martyrdom and personal lack of confidence. A deep breath and a fresh look at the not-so-fresh fruit gave me a chance to take a different approach, make a different choice on how this little event impacts my day.

Household Appliance Geek

2009-07-25T06:24:00.000-07:00

Hi, my name is Scarlett and I'm a Household Appliance Geek. I know this because I nodded in sage understanding as my friend uttered the phrase, "Well if we want the patches can be done at my house. I have a Rowenta." My eyes lit up and I felt a little envy, the kind that makes you want to save pennies to purchase the hot little number my friend possessed. In that moment, my geek-dom was revealed in true form.

Rowena is a particularly powerful and precise iron. Now mind you, I don't iron if I can avoid it, rewash it, or otherwise pretend like wrinkled is "in" this year, but I admire a Rowena. This machine, and its counterparts all over my home, epitomize the ideal form of quality that I enjoy collecting -- the kind meant to save me effort. I can be very supportive of saving myself effort but not particularly of spending the small chunk an iron like that will cost. It has taken time and much of the words I ignored from my mother to learn that quality appliances are well worth the money in the long run - penny-pinching step aside! That being said, I'm still not going to rush out and buy a Rowena. *sigh* I know myself well enough to realize that I just will not iron, so buying an expensive albeit fabulous iron won't make it any better no matter how much I try to wish it to be true.

Appliances in my home where I've invested rather than scrimped include: washer/dryer; dishwasher; convection oven; outdoor grill and my bed. Yup - a bed. I spent more on it than I ever really wanted to spend, but since I spend nearly eight (okay - more like 6, but who counts?) hours a night there I consider it an investment in my health. The convection oven, however, was actually more of an investment in my home's value. One of the few areas where improvements in a home return to you is in the kitchen and the bath - so I spent a little more to have an oven I love while I'm here and one that will sell well when the time comes. Each item is considered on my daily usage, quality for price paid, durability, functionality for me (does it suit how I use the machine), etc.

Knowing which appliances are quality goods probably makes me a bit of a brand monger in the end, but I'm okay with this fact. It means I know what I want and what is worth my time. Afterall, my time is very valuable!

Expect the unexpected...

2009-07-09T13:30:00.000-07:00

I got called into work on Saturday and pulled an 80-hour week that meant cancelling my vacation and Father’s Day plans. Now I’ve got projects to work on at home over the weekend and into next week. Let me explain.

If I were employed at a different address than the one I list as my home then most people would make sad noises about how awful my boss is and that I should be getting overtime. As I work and live in the same building, the assumptions seem to change and I become just another good hearted soul who maybe “should” do these things. The expectation that someone perform these duties can, in my experience, build resentment for the job and the patient. Maybe I am good hearted, but mostly it is what I do because my job here at the house specifically includes being available for emergencies. I take care of the people around me and that means that on a Saturday afternoon I can get called away from my scrapbooking and into the hospital to take care of a friend who had lived with us and celebrated holidays, birthdays, and occasional lunches with our family.

She began having seizures six or more times a day and could not be left alone in the hospital, so it became necessary that I stay with her. My job in the hospital included: managing her medical care, talking with doctors, assisting with meals, finding a dietician when the gluten-free diet was forgotten, contacting employers and family, and bringing the daily comforts that make life easier – like hazelnut creamer and really good coffee. I tried to keep her in good spirits and provide emotional support (and practical next-steps) when she felt discouraged. One of the things I did was begin to write down an abbreviated medical history and list of emergency / family phone numbers. At home I typed it up and it is now tucked in with the friend’s driver license. She cannot talk during the seizures and good samaritans might need that information. I have a similar but less detailed contact sheet for my son that includes his allergies, pediatrician, insurance information, and common phone numbers to find family members.

My home duties didn’t change very much during this overtime at the hospital. My son still needed to be dropped off for summer camp, picked up from summer camp and lunches prepared. The rest of the family still needed to eat in the evenings. Thankfully I had already planned what needed to be made for nutritious and interesting lunches at camp and the frozen dinners I’d made a month ago were just a quick warming away from dinner served. I’m so glad I listened to the advice about thinking ahead for busy times! The 20 min to make those meals saved me hours of stress while I was in the hospital room.

I couldn’t have spent the time at the hospital with our friend if my family hadn’t pitched in! I do my best to make such events as stress free as possible, but truly they stepped up to the plate. My family does a fantastic job of finding their own way around the kitchen and even picking up on some of my chores like laundry when I’m busy elsewhere.

I am the one who goes to the hospital because I’m good at it and because we choose to have someone (me) available for such events. There is no obligation to be at the beck and call of family (at least not in this system), but it is our choice to support the people who form our community because we believe in intentional community. I did not resent my time at the hospital with our friend and neither did my family. I knew that there were limits of what I could do and my family knew I would not abandon them. Knowing exactly what is expected of me as a Domestic Goddess (via my job description) put reasonable limits on the time I could spend away from home.

I did not get any overtime for my long week of work and I lost my vacation time in the process, but I reclaimed vacation time in small bits here and there over the next few weeks with the help of my family. My bosses appreciated my efforts and supported both my absence and my return. My family intends to live in a world where caretakers are given the resources to do their jobs because it is good for everyone. So far paying me to be a Domestic Goddess has allowed us to live our principles.

It's coming up roses in my Laundry Room

2009-06-12T13:47:00.000-07:00

The rose bush planted last year off our deck is in full bloom and a few moments to clip it have produced a fascinating bouquet of dark pink roses for my kitchen. But not everything in the house is coming up roses. My laundry room stinks!

I recently piled some sour smelling beach towels into the washer for a nice deep soak, but nothing could quite remove the sour smell from my laundry room. Even with the towels sunning outside and the litter box squeaky clean my nose told me something was amiss. I searched for the offending (and presumably wet) cloth everywhere, but opening the washer's lid was where I found the sad surprise. The offensive smell was actually lingering in the washing machine itself. As I grabbed a small tub and baking soda (all I really needed to clean the ring around the tub, thanks Granny!) I contemplated the way of these machines.

I rely on their labor saving help every day, but rarely do I stop to do any maintenance. I change the oil in my car and rotate the tires, but when was the last time I scheduled care for the machines inside my home? The washer, dryer, refrigerator, dishwasher, and air conditioner are systems that perform better if they have a little attention, but growing up I didn't learn much about what kind of care they need - just that some crazy cousin always fixed them when broken. I grew up in the struggling suburbs of Atlanta and while some of my clothes came from Sears, I didn't know what a service agreement or warranty was until I was grown. I didn't have one until we bought our first washer/dryer. Now the washer is out of warranty, but not out of mind.

As I type my hands are drying from the wipe-down of the washer, a task that took less than 15 minutes. The baking soda cost me less than $.03 and the elbow grease was minimal to remove the ring of scary looking dirt inside my machine. A quick rinse in water removed the grime and then a spray with a light mix of clorox/water means that the smell is completely gone and my washer is cleaner than the clothes I'm putting in it! The rag I use for cleaning and then toss in with my towels, but now I'm determined to take whatever rag is handy and give the washer a brief swipe before tossing it in for a load. This should reduce the number of times I have to break out elbow grease.

I'm pretty sure that there are pieces within the washer that should be oiled or tightened after its 12 year life, but I'll leave that to another time when I've researched the online maintenance manual. I did have the manual for my vacuum and cleaned the collection tank with water per the instructions. Now two of my household machines are happier and will work better for me, hopefully leaving me time to enjoy those roses or my garden (the source of a great deal of my dirt!).

I'm not a neat freak, just ask my mom, but sometimes it's a lazy thing, really, to maintain the tools. The better these things function, the less work I have on an every day basis. Normally I scrub the floors, bathrooms, our clothes and the couches (windows are my bane), but today it was a clean of the cleaners. These cleaning machines share my work around the house and almost never complain, but they deserve my attention if I'm to have a home that works to support my life and allow me to smell those roses.

From tomatoes to zen

2009-06-01T08:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you've just got to get your hands dirty and the tomato plants just have to get in the ground. I love home grown tomatoes, but gardening has never been a particular skill of mine. When I discovered that a series of events had conspired to prevent the lovely 20' x 30' garden from being planted just off my deck -- I determined I just couldn't let that happen. So I put on gloves to hide my brown thumb and set about pulling the massive hump of running vines and weeds in the garden plot. Planting struggling tomato plants was something I'd been putting off, and I wish now I hadn't delayed such an opportunity for happiness.

My son had a small trowel and was helping me along. Loosen the dirt, twist, cut and turn, ... loosen the dirt, twist, cut and turn. The process was so focused that I didn't notice the time or mind the energy. I remembered a meditation class (paid for and enjoyed) and wondered about the similarity to activities of my home that develop that same peaceful, productive, smooth and easy pattern. When I combine music and dishes I focus on the task of clearing away the remains of the past and wiping the plate clean for the next opportunity that comes along. Vacuuming brings my eye to the base of my home, where I place my steps in a sea of woven thoughts and examine the pieces that support my world. I am walking in this world lightly, with clean socks and a clear mind thanks mostly to the vacuuming. I haven't yet found my peaceful inner duster, but I have hopes!

The zen of housework sounds counter intuitive when the going paradigm is to avoid the drudgery of everyday scrubbing. Every month seems to bring with it new and interesting tools to shorten the time it takes to do laundry, dishes, or dusting. Like a consuming chant from the commercials comes "get it done in half the time," but I'm not quite sure I want all that meditation time taken away from me. What is it, exactly, that I'm rushing so hard to get to? My constant answer to such questions is that I need more time with my son. Or is that really it? Whenever I find a shortcut I never quite get the savings out of that labor saving device I'd expected. So I've stopped finding new devices and just started living with the time I have available.

I needed to plant the tomatoes this morning and my son worked right along with me, breaking up the clumps of dirt and covering up the roots as the plants found their new homes. I didn't use the tiller and maybe the task took a little longer and wasn't as impressive, but the plants found their grounding in the scratched out garden corner we made. In an amazing turn of events I even got the missing time with my son despite the use of hand tools and people power. Funny how that worked out.

Now I'm looking forward to my afternoon laundry. My son will help me move the laundry from inside to outside and we will chat as I reach into a basket for cool damp clothes and hang them along the line under my pavilion. I feel as if I am finally getting things done and being involved in my world. The time with my son or alone with my heart is hard to beat. The moral superiority of reducing my ecological footprint is bordering on smug, but its ultimately my immersion in the rhythm of my world that I champion as the success of my day. It helps a little that I haven't spent money on that nifty tool or this plastic piece and yet I've gained time, connection, tomatoes, and a sense of what I'm capable of doing.

Opening my Home - a Reflection of the Person

2009-05-28T07:21:00.001-07:00

There’s nothing quite like the chaos of planning a child’s birthday party to prompt deep introspection about the surroundings of your life within the confines of your home. No, really, I mean it. There’s that moment after you’ve scrubbed the bathrooms and before you’ve got the main room to vaccuum when you stand in the middle of the room with a duster in one hand and ice water in the other. In that moment of flagging momentum you can see the cobwebs on the chandelier and the goldfish crumbs in the kitchen – at least I can. That moment brings with it for me the perspective of an outsider seeing my home for the first time and it occurs to me between sips of water that I don’t have a style. Or rather – that my home doesn’t have a style. The defining line between those two is pretty blurry.

I have the sense that the line shouldn’t be as indeterminate as it is, but I always feel like inviting people into my home is opening myself up in some intensely personal way. Standing with my water and duster I think I finally figured it out.

The walls hold no predetermined plan, instead they are splattered with a homeschool timeline, a piece of artwork from my high school days, my friend’s father’s sketch of a clown, a haphazard collection of small frames containing my chosen family’s photos, a purple polka-dotted orange hamster figurine and a large mountain goat bench. The fridge is covered in ToDo lists and kids magnetic letters while the aloe plant is functional. The white board nestled in the fireplace opening shows the lessons from Friday. My home is an accurate reflection of my life almost as clearly as if the walls were mirrored instead of heart-red painted on a Saturday morning. It seems that I live my life with my head down, passionately swinging my way through activities, homeschooling, crafts and family dinners and the glue and the art and the heart, the projects and the edges of our technological love are splattered around the rooms I inhabit. I am living my life deeply, head down and focused and the walls of my home reflect that life in all its gutsy, dusty glory.

My style is less about a predetermined idea of what I have choosen as my home’s presentation and more about the style of life I have. A style not found in a magazine or suggested by the latest organizational fad. It is, very simply put, that living my life gets stuff on the walls around me rather than having me decorate intentionally. Like footprints following me through the motions, my home tracks the changes and motions I make living the life of a mother, lover, writer, scout leader, world changer and artist.

Inviting people through the front door into my inner sanctuary is a pleasing, satisfying, and ultimately terrifying action. If I had chosen a style, thought long and hard about what furniture would look good, or set about to tie it all together somehow I might relax a bit as judgments of the room against some outside and arbitrary social standard could be taken as judgments on the style rather than on me personally. I chose to live my life and this is the result. I am pleased, empowered and enchanted with the idea that I live life immersion style and that my home supports that action. This action of life / response of home is not a pattern my mother or even my sisters understand. In some ways I don’t believe I understand how I have come to the point of drowning daily in the richness of breathing in joy, gulping down experiences and exhaling art and love.

I am proud that my cleaning is nervousness that I look my best, that my home look its best, but not that I hide anything or purport any lies about who or what we are. My living room still held a mountain goat bench and each room in my home held a small mouse figurine when guests arrived bearing presents and smiles celebrating my son.

I have met my challenges living this way within my home. Before a recent meeting of scout leaders a woman entered, looked wide-eyed around at my main room and commented, “This looks exactly like what I thought your home would look like.” I was flabbergasted. What would my home look like? What did she mean by that comment? Was it a good image she had or was this some mysterious judgment veiled in open commentary? What exactly was my home supposed to look like? Days and hours of struggling with this question brought me no closer to an answer. I did finally give up, and now that I’ve looked around again I think I realize that the leader who commented was wiser than I am. She realized quickly that my home simply is part of my life’s pattern and if you’ve seen me, or my life’s actions, then you can guess at my home.

In my home I have room for the wooden bowl of my mother's mother's mother and the light saber cake for my son. I have room for the potluck and space on the walls for the art of my family - whether it is framed or watercolors in 5yo hand held up with painters tape. I can tell you why there's a pile of stuff by the backdoor --- and it involves loving my family as they are rather than attempting to change who they are to fit an external ideal of "clean" or neat. Our lives are less static art and more performance art with a performance daily. My home will never be the same, always showing the newest project and losing the pieces that are fading from the mind in a constant evolution of who I am, who we are.

I dusted, I cleared the surfaces to make way for the coming attractions, and I erased the sticky popsicle making spots from the counters. I did not erase the fact that we live here – really LIVE here – or that our world is colorful and varied. I did not present to the world a false face of pristine coffee tables with crystal vases holding hothouse flowers. I did not scrub away our individuality or the blemishes that make us perfectly imperfect. I did not squash our hearts into closets hidden away from the fray, but they are comforted and cushioned with large pillows tossed where we last lounged and blankets for when the chill of harshness touches our toes. I did not pull down my son’s watercolor art because that would suggest I am somehow less than proud of the budding artist’s imperfect work. I did not apologize for the state of my home. I have stopped apologizing because I am not ashamed, nor do I think it is wrong or anything for which I feel “sorry.”

I am living a life that is less static art appreciation and more performance interactive full-contact art – and I passionately engulf myself with it.

A brilliant stroke of the pen!

2008-11-25T15:33:00.000-08:00

I didn't think a white board marker could make such a difference, but there it is -- the writing on the dryer. I have watched my son spurt and sputter through inches of growth just after I get him appropriate pants. Now, they're all too short - again! How do I keep up? My handy dandy white board marker shows two lines and the measurement between them on the dryer's metal frame (mine is up on top where I don't have to bend). All the pants coming out get a quick and dirty measure, then tossed to donation if they are too short. Of course, the marker may wipe off in a few uses but I'll find the tape leftover from the kitchen painting and put two little pieces on there. Since the tape is made to lift off easily, it should leave no residue. (hint: don't put the tape on the parts of the machines that get warm - that glue will adhere strongly then!)

My husband thought it was so neat he called my son in to look and marvel at my ingenuity. I guess I have some talent for this whole "short cut to easy street" stuff.

Summer of Art

2008-05-19T09:57:00.000-07:00

I’m counting my change and cutting coupons, but the unfiltered truth is that life has gotten expensive and my fun is in danger! I do not intend to bemoan my financial state and my boredom in the same breath when I can seize my opportunity and take responsibility for my happiness, finances, and time all at once. My solution has been to change my idea of fun – picnics in the park with my son rather than expensive museums or coffee at home with friends instead of eating out. Now I’m expanding on that idea and I’m going to live not just a little but lavishly and richly in the midst of my life rather than frugally on the edges with my eye on “better times.”

Frankly, my life is fantastic. I’m warm, safe, clean, very well-fed and broadly loved. My family is in decent health and our relationships are strong. One saying says that, “the rest is details.” Another saying tells me that “Life is in the details.” So – what am I to do with life in the details?

Summer of Art is my answer. I have a craft room overflowing with partial mending, a skirt I want to reconstruct, the scrapbook I needed on a random Tuesday, and the list goes on. While I’m missing a button or maybe a piece of Velcro to finish these projects (very inexpensive pieces), mainly I will need time and dedication. Those resources won’t cost me anything and the pay-off in fulfilled promises to myself will be immense. I can do something finally with my crafts and imagination. I’ll even get the added benefit of feeling righteous about finances. I paid for this entertainment already in the past, but I’m choosing now to enjoy it. How much money have you spent over the years on various projects that lay just a couple of steps from being happily completed?

This summer I will use an open eye to see creative opportunities in everyday situations and be open for the spontaneous nature of art in my life. My inner critic says I don’t have time for this goofing off, but he can stand aside. This kind of time is especially necessary when all of my other resources are low. I question what I’m doing and where I’m going when frustration sets in and knowing my inner thoughts guides me to healthier choices. I create art and a stronger self in the process. Plus, I’m not broke when I imagine the wealth of supplies and ideas at my disposal.

My personal list of craft projects I joyously claim as summer fare:

· Sewing case - create a liner for the box (scrap material) to hold my items securely along the edges and prevent the tangled mess I have now. Collage on the exterior of box to reflect my personality and inspire me to smile when I pick up my sewing case.
· Complete silverware roll-up for camping (already started from scrap material).
· Complete quilt from high school / college t-shirts.
· Complete my son’s baby album (2 pages left).
· Write my goddaughter’s birth story and present to her mother.
· Collage tins from paper scraps and magazines. (Recycle the magazines afterward to clear out my room; I’m giving away the tins as gifts)
· Archival scrapbook project needs to be completed, spun to CD, and shipped to client.
· Sew the leather drum covers together and give them to their owners.
· Scrapbook on my books: 2007 family album, Walkabout album, Personal album, relationship album, Mother’s Memorial album.
· Insert the missing pictures into my scrapbook albums where they belong.
· Put closure on satin purse and tweed apron.
· Use digital camera to explore my surroundings and experiment with effects.
· Use paints to decorate everyday items that I use and love.
· Sculpt the flower beds to have less weeds and more beauty in a few minutes a day of work.
· Write fiction short stories.
· Write non-fiction book outlines.
· Write the pieces for my upcoming website.
· Play with words.
· Create, write, sew, sing, and otherwise enjoy one of the most unique aspects of being human.
· Dine al fresco with my family on cool summer dishes from the garden.
· Laugh.

I have already scrapbooked, created collage tins, and done a mid-sized flower arrangement for my son’s birthday party. I am successful already!I like the idea of living a life by design.

Consider your own world and the pieces of creativity that are open to you. Can you sing? Do you draw, write, bake, garden or work with wood? Are there projects you’ve not finished, bemoan as failures, or see as taking up space you’ll never use? Clean out your mental and physical clutter with a clever use of creative stirrings.

A Mobile Mom as Part of a Mobile Society

2008-04-02T05:24:00.000-07:00

Lunch is simply an excuse to catch up with friends and yesterday we found ourselves wondering over the amazing stupidity of others and our own relative knighthood when it came to being self-maintaining and prepared. The object that brought about such shock: a stapler. Yes, a small office implement started the discussion about how each of us had learned to carry those essential items which, when they are present, make our lives a bit nicer, a tad more comfortable, or simply less expensive. The items we put in our bags and cars, or carry when we travel, are viewed as a frugal moment of thought in order to save money or just a frugal investment of time in order to avoid emergency stops at random stores amid all of the other errands we do as busy women.

The women at lunch are powerful, self-assured and purposeful. They have full, loving, and adventurous lives that enrich them. Knowing them enriches me. Part of what makes these women so special is the unique attitude that life is a personal responsibility, one you should take seriously if you're going to truly own your life completely. We view our needs and wants as something we are entirely engaged in answering for ourselves. This starts with knowing what your life requires to move easily (what items grease your wheels) and then acquiring. Our motto is, "take everything with you that you will need to have fun - including a good attitude."

The focus of our discussion finally narrowed to our cars. These lovely conveyances carry ourselves and our families to school, work, baseball practice, the gym, lunch, friend's birthday parties, and even home. My van is particularly well known for travel as I drive all over the Eastern seaboard to lecture. I am always personally delighted to arrive at a lecture spot and not need anything of my hosts. The majority of the time I think, "oh - I should have a band-aid for that," I have a band-aid in my van. Mind you, I don't keep many band-aids but just enough for that 'in case' scenario. Entire boxes of band-aids, changes of clothes, and a library of maps would reduce my van's capacity for people to nil. Instead, I have a select few items that mean I've got the essentials for my family and my way of living.

A few of my favorite things:

Ultra fiber blanket (stored in a plastic zippered pillow case package) - for picnics and unloading without getting sand on my suitcases.
Fun kit - a plastic bag or small beach bag that zips shut (perhaps 10x12) with sunscreen, bug spray, small baggie of wet wipes, a collapsible hat, miniature first aid kit. I also keep sidewalk chalk for my son.
First Aid kit - stocked with items my family uses most (Neosporin, band-aids, antiseptic spray, anti-itch stick) all in the smallest containers available.
Map - a condensed map for the Southern region of the US (your states, maps, and mileage may vary wildly)
Paper towels - but not an entire roll. I snag the last little bits of a roll from my kitchen so it doesn't get dirty or ripped up in my car, or there are neat little car dispensers of paper towels with plastic cover and a slot for the towels. I will warn you, however, that these are nearly impossible to refill and traditional sized paper towels are too wide. Proprietary pigs, I tell you.
An umbrella - especially if its one that is not your favorite and it will fit in the door pocket (rather than all that random detritus) or under the seat.
Personal bag - for the primary driver's needs. A zippered paisley pouch (from a dollar store!) holds nail files, chap stick, cough drops, spare sunglasses, $10 emergency gas cash, feminine pads and pantyliners (samples individually wrapped work wonderfully), moist towellettes.
Grocery bags - stored one inside another, I've got these hooked behind my driver's seat for fast snatch n' go.
Dashboard - items frequently forgotten or needed: napkins (extras from fast food), plastic forks/spoons, straws. Basically any time I get handed one too many of anything helpful to eat in the car (including tiny paper plates) I stash them here.
Emergency information I might, one day, need. I compiled my most used phone numbers of close friends, family, and those likely to help me (AAA, auto repair store, etc.) and printed these out on a two sided sheet. This is stashed in my personal bag or dashboard in case I lose my phone, the charge dies, or someone else has to find the numbers for me.
Water - My family is trying to stay hydrated and I'm weary of paying $2 for water. I carry a strong refillable jug and fill my water bottle and one specially sized for my young son from this when we hit the park or stop at a gas station.

A supply of items like these saves me money when we arrive at the water park and don't need to pay $12 for a small tube of sunscreen or bottled water every day. I save sanity points when I don't have to turn around to get a straw from the drive-thru when I'm already strapped for time or suddenly find a store because I'm spotting on the day of my period. Many of these habits serve to support my ecologically friendly lifestyle, which buys me a little peace of mind. I find a certain pride and comfort in being able to largely take care of my own needs without relying on the kindness of strangers too heavily.

Americans virtually live in their cars. I believe that is why cars have gotten so much bigger recently. We are in love with driving. Living life by choice can include this pattern of driving and delving, and the desire to live it fully is made easier with just a little thought. I know people who carry a folding camp chair for comfortable seating at sports practice for their children. I know men who carry a small shaving kit just in case the big boss comes into the office for an unexpected meeting. Consider your car as another room in your home. It needs maintenance, it needs to serve your purpose for that space, and when you enter it you should be pleased to be exactly where you are. (I recently sprayed down my cloth interior to deal with residual "funk", and the change in my mood was dramatic when my car no longer smelled vaguely dirty.)

The needs are yours, the life is yours - the living of it is pure choice.

A few tips for sanity and safety:

When you stop for gas, stop for cleaning. Start the pump and then pull out any random trash or fruit snacks that have gotten thrown in the floor. This will keep stinky stuff to a minimum (esp. with kids) and allow your vehicle to serve you best rather than "oh, let's take yours my van is trashed" being your degrading excuse. An added benefit - moving around your vehicle can keep you aware of strangers at a gas station and make you less likely to be a target. Always leave the door where your purse is stored locked.
Secure items in a plastic crate or sturdy cardboard box that is bungee corded or otherwise secured in your cargo area. Loose items are dangerous if you are every in a wreck. All of my items fit in a snap together crate in my van's back section to keep the passenger area clean.
The next time you are on your way out the door, grab a wet wipe of some variety (not bleach based) and run it over your steering wheel and door panel as you are sitting in your seat thinking "did I get everything?" The germs will be gone and you've used that moment to take care of your personal space.

Speaking of SAHM's

2008-02-28T05:32:00.000-08:00

There are some benefits to taking classes at the local University for SAHMs and I've discovered some of them. You can secretly work on entries for your blog while pretending to do classwork. This is an informative speech written for one class I'm taking. The classes are to renew my teaching certificate through the state, but the topic is specifically to focus my thoughts on the Domestic Goddess, so I hope you enjoy.

To set the scene, imagine you are attending a Mom's Club meeting of upper-middle class women who are concerned about their kids and themselves as people. The particular meeting this time is one to discuss important issues and the president of the club, me, is here to speak.

"The Job of the Unemployed"

Glad to see everyone made it today. I'm Scarlett, the president of this Mom's Club and the proud unemployed mom of a son. If you've been to the Lunch Bunch before, wave to the new members. Our new members, take note, these waving ladies are some of the hardest working, unemployed and underpaid women you'll ever meet. The hard working aspect is probably clear to everyone here, but why do I label stay-at-home moms as "unemployed" and "underpaid?" I use these labels because the world around us uses them. Our families and children tend to appreciate the dedication and conscientious efforts, but what about the high school alumni who says, “oh, how nice not to work!” I did a little research on this conflicted idea of what work is and I think as food for thought its pretty high in fiber.

Beth started my cogs turning when she called me last week and asked, "What do you tell someone who thinks you're unemployed just because you're a stay-at-home mom?" Beth went to the grocery store and a man standing in the vegetable section was taking a survey and when he asked "what do you do for a living?" Beth said "stay-at-home mom." The surveyor skipped to the “other” category and wrote "unemployed." He equated a stay-at-home mom and unemployed most likely because his definition of work is tied to the industrial idea of leave-the-home jobs. According to the Census Bureau[1] there are approximately 5.6 million stay-at-home moms who face similarly outdated definitions of work.

So what is work? Webster's Ninth Collegiate Dictionary[2] defines work as "sustained physical or mental effort to …achieve an objective." The straight forward definition of work means that the stay-at-home moms I know are all working and working hard. Deadlines and punching a time clock are theoretically very different from caring for a family, but I started looking into the job descriptions of a stay-at-home mom and the mother is becoming a real job and recognized work.

So what is a mother’s work? Our real life jobs as stay-at-home moms would easily qualify for "Dirty Jobs," the Food Network (I want it to be Alton Brown!) and occasionally the circus channel. Most moms will say, "Oh, I'm just a mom" but their lives are full of researching vaccinations, trips to Fernbank, the Mom's Club, play groups, and feeding healthy foods to unwilling kids and husbands. The job of care taking for our families is something we think about and consider carefully. The plethora of educational toy stores, rising home schooling rates among our members and even the books being printed on developing theories of child care reflect our growing inquisitiveness as mothers about how to do our job well. Today's real life stay-at-home mom, that’s you, spends time searching for the best way to educate and nourish your children. You use your intellect and your physical abilities to move toward the objective of healthy, happy and independent kids. The work isn’t that straightforward or limited, however, and mothers will tell you that part of this job is being a full-time cook. You are not just making meals but researching nutrition, new recipes, and occasionally dietitian-like knowledge of allergies or special diets. As a family cook, you are doing real work.

So, what is a mother’s work worth? In May 2004, Salary.com[3] included in their research on comparable pay rates the job title of mother. For Mother's Day that year Salary.com released the results of their research and the Mom Salary Wizard, a free personal calculator for seeing what your job might be worth in the leave-the-house world. Most of what the mothers in the Salary.com research said may sound familiar to you, although I’m not sure you’ve heard it translated into these job terms before.

Mothers wear a lot of hats during the work day. According to the mothers surveyed the top ten hats or job titles included: housekeeper, day care center teacher, institutional cook, computer operator, laundry machine operator, facilities manager, janitor, van driver, psychologist, and CEO. In the most recent study the job title of nurse fell out of the top ten list, but kissing boo-boos is still part of the job. Salary.com researched the average pay for the similar real world job titles, the number of hours that mothers did each kind of job, and the number of hours the mothers worked total. The data was crunched down to come up with an average hourly rate for mothers by job and an overall pay rate for their working hours.

I have yet to see a mother work 9 to 5 and at least according to Salary.com we don't work 24/7 like I always believed. Confusing information abounds. The mothers who were surveyed estimated they do their mothering job for about 92 hours a week. Mothers don't all drive, cook, or clean in standard amounts, so the salaries were weighted according to which of these jobs were done more often. Four hours of CEO, for instance, will give you a higher average pay than if you only spend one hour a week being in charge of it all.

My own salary should be $142,562. I’ll take that in small, unmarked bills and a ticket to Tahiti. If you average the real world jobs I do into an hourly rate I would earn $23.84 an hour or $37 for overtime. While very few of us get paid for our stay-at-home mom positions, it is an interesting thought that in the terms understood by most people – paychecks and titles – we are doing a great job and a good deal of valuable work.

[1] United States Census Bureau, “Facts for Features Mother's Day”, March 14, 2007 pub. (February 3, 2008 accessed).

[2] "Work," Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary, Springfield, Massachusetts: Merriam-Webster Inc., 1983, p. 1358.

[3] Business Wire, “What is a Mom Worth?” Online LexisNexis Academic Service, Kennesaw State University, Kennesaw, Georgia, May 4, 2006 (February 3, 2008 accessed).

Has your house had a check-up?

2008-02-11T05:33:00.000-08:00

'House Days' are upon us! Our family recently took a good hard look at how things are accomplished (or not) around the house and what I'd been saying all along was discovered to be true. If we schedule time and stick to it projects like fixing the gate and deep cleaning the oven happen. Otherwise, it just slides into the "not immediately on fire" category and goes undone. The solution: declare 'House Days' and stick to 'em.

'House Days' are either a Saturday or Sunday and these are scheduled months in advance so that everyone can be at home. One of the main goals of this day is to give everyone time to focus on maintaining our life together and our connections to one another. Working together toward a common goal has always proved a strong bond builder and we're taking advantage of that. 'House Days' serve to give us a specific time for the necessary maintenance of our lives and our home, and also for some of the improvement projects we intend to do "some day." Our "some days" are a lot closer than they used to be! For a 'House Day,' I develop a list of small projects or one big project and make sure that any needed supplies (like the vapor barrier for under our house on #1) were already purchased and waiting. A great deal of time gets waisted setting up for projects, so I prepare as much as possible in advance of the day. Unfortunately, we've discovered that it is also necessary to schedule clean-up time either that day or on the following day. People just don't want to clean, sweep, or haul garbage when tired -- imagine! At the end of the day no one has to cook and we either order out or descend on one of our favorite local (and cheap) eateries.

'House Day' #1 was more like a monumental change of pace and the project was to clean the random stuff from beneath our home. This house has a dirt floor crawl space that is about 5' tall and nearly 1000 sq ft. Over the years the doors to that space have been opened, items, buckets, boxes, and even dishes (?!) thrown in and the doors slammed shut behind. The dirt floor was covered with a vapor barrier - a white-ish sheet of plastic that covers the entire floor. This keeps moisture out of the house, but our barrier had been kicked around and ripped and generally abused so in the process of cleaning up the boxes we also intended to lay down a new vapor barrier. (Some days I am so thankful that my early life involved construction sites. If you ever have the chance to understand how homes are built, take it!)

After the dust settled and the garbage was removed there were about 6 hard plastic tubs (with locking tops) under the house in the crawl space. These hold long term storage of childhood items, awards, file tubs of my teaching files, and a trunk of my husbands. On pallets on the opposite side of the now cavernous crawl space are the holiday decorations on pallets. The change is amazing, and a little awe inspiring.

When my husband started digging through the boxes, he discovered that much of the clutter had been created in cleaning frenzies before gatherings at our house. Before a party or cookout there would be that last momentary "oh great! Where do I put this?" and the answer would be to sweep much of it into a box and "under the house." Over the years the boxes have molded and the cloth that slipped in has mildewed. Standing in the midst of this and seeing the damage, I began to be more motivated to clean up our stuff. The mold and mildew are allergens for our entire family and can contribute to bouts of illness if left there to sneak into the heating and air system.

Anything that we wanted to keep was placed into a water tight container because you just never know when your previously dry basement will flood. The items being kept were scrutinized pretty harshly. If it has been under the house for 8 years, what is the likelihood that we really need it or will use it? Of course a few items we'd really been missing were found, but these were removed and placed with items in the lived-in portions of the house.

Now when I think about my home overall I find that the crawl space is just "under the house" and not nearly so scary. A full day was devoted to sorting through the boxes and their contents, and the great pile of "we don't need that" grew outside our home until it was too much for mere garbage men and the special hauling service had to be called. I am thrilled with the knowledge that hundreds of pounds of moldy, mildewed, and in some cases literally rotting items have been removed from proximity to my family. I am proud of everyone pitching in and sticking through the long, stinky, eww-y, gross process.

There's an added benefit beyond health. I know that when we sell our home in the next few years there will be less work to do, less stuff to move, and our space will be easier to manage during the transition. The deep shadowy depression of knowing about the mess and insanity in my basement will be lifted.

Not all 'House Day' projects are quite so large. 'House Day' #2 was much more laid back.

House Day #2 was a relaxing change comparatively and the list of things to do was decently long but not complicated. Each item was about a 45 minute task. These items included: Clean behind/under washer & dryer, clean under the dishwasher & refrigerator, scrub out grill & grease trap, dust and remove spider webs up high on ceiling, clear the items on deck to be stored under house (terra cotta pots, planting supplies), clean up living space downstairs, set up a scrapbooking area permenantly, remove the croquet set from front lawn (!). With the TV running old movies in the background we each picked a task and started just pushing through it. With no rush, no sweat, and no strain we managed to finish these items and get a nap by late afternoon.

The deep cleaning tasks leading the list (first five) were generated from my list of things to clean by month. This insures that at least once a year these things get done. The items for February are intended to prepare us for the upcoming Spring/Summer seasons. With warmer weather we'll be outside and doing inside jobs won't seem so much like a good idea. As weather warms there are also more jobs to be done with our home, so I get as much out of the way during the cold months as possible. I'm particularly pleased with these deep cleaning projects because the cleaning under appliances helps reduce the number of places bacteria can set up housekeeping and my family will breathe easier. The dust behind my dryer was disturbing and on that score I feel I've reduced the chances of a spark igniting the lint while I'm off at scouts one evening.

An added benefit of 'House Days' comes on all the other weekends of the month. Once the chores are done our family has more time to play. We may spend a day or most of one doing the responsible list of items to maintain our home and our lives, but other Saturdays are full of sleeping in and relaxing in the lulls between those days that only come once a month. There is a sense of calm in knowing that things are getting done and that today's schedule includes only one thing you MUST do: enjoy the benefits of all that hard work.

"Sweep" Investing for the Dometic Goddess

2008-01-23T05:04:00.000-08:00

I swept the kitchen floor today from one end to the other and dreamed about investing. Really, it all started with the crumbly feet-leavings that collected on my floor in one day. I don’t like to sweep, so I avoid it whenever possible but today I just wanted the floor not to crunch under foot. Always curious, I swept and contemplated the boards beneath the bristles. What buy-in would it take for me to see sweeping (or really any other odorous household chore) as something valuable in the grand scheme of things?

It was better than making an appointment with a financial advisor for helping me get a little perspective on my ideas of investing. Everyone I know thinks about getting the most fun and use out of their hard earned green bucks and I'm certainly right in there among them. I keep looking at interest rates, property values, 401k, discount stores, thrift stores and coupons and wondering if I’m doing enough. What can I do as a DG and a mom about taking the value and money and nurturing them into growing? Well… that depends on who you ask and who you believe about your own powers over your own corner of the Universe.

I’m managing my investment in the flooring by sweeping. One of my girlfriends is in property management and I get to listen to the detailed crimes of her tenants as they do incredibly silly things frequently doing damage to the property she is using to make her living. If I were renting this space strictly as an investment property I would have pretty stringent rules about what my tenants would be required to do for maintenance.

My family pays for the space in and around our home and it should be considered a valuable investment which we monitor constantly as opposed to looking up just before we want to move and saying, "oops, that's going to cost us." I have the power to extend the life of my floors, or as the flooring industry says, "use expectancy." "Use expectancy" is simply a fancy term used by the flooring industry to give a sense of how long their product might be with my family. I rarely listen to the flooring salesman's spiel and consider simply that such terms translate in my Universe as fewer calls to have my carpet stretched or cleaned, my hardwoods refinished, or my linoleum replaced. Proper floor care - yes this includes reading and following proper care instructions! - can earn you maybe as much as 20% more on your flooring's useful life. That's an extra 3-5 years for carpeting and hardwood.

New floors for my kitchen would require an outlay of $2200. If the builder spent that much on flooring when he built it (which I doubt), then I've gotten about 20 years out of the floors. My calculator tells me that the cost spread over the years turns out to be $110 or so a month for my kitchen floors. Shorten that to 12 years with poor upkeep and the cost per month goes to $183. The yearly difference might seem small at a measly $73, but imagine getting floors that are a grade or two nicer (or just exactly what you wanted instead of not quite) with that money because you know that you won't need to replace floors until your children want to move back in. Alternatively just imagine setting aside $73 for a small improvement that makes your home easier to live in -- like cabinet pulls or a new screen door. (By the way, over my lifetime that is an average of 3 floor replacements!)

It's not just that I am spending money but I am spending the most valuable resource in my Universe -- me. Every time I must manage a project on this scale there is research into materials, labor, sources, ecological and ethical impact, and even the timing of not having the use of my kitchen. It is an inconvenience that will waste 3-4 days at minimum while the floor is cleared, laid, and then I reinstall myself and my utensils in the kitchen with a few days after for cleaning the dust and grime from every corner.

My Universe revolves around me (or at least that's what I believe and I don't listen when people try to tell me otherwise, they're unimportant in my Universe, so who cares?!). I influence everything I touch with my attitude and my action, or even in some cases my choice not to act. Today's act of power was sweeping a floor I've used and walked for 8 years. I have pictures of our kitchen from various remodeling projects and family gatherings that show a slow age begin to creep onto the rose veined hardwoods under foot. Just inside the back door and under the breakfast countertop I can see that the dirt hangs in the scratches a bit more and the luster is just plain gone. Most of the floor is just fine, but I can see where I haven't been monitoring my housekeeping and each time I sweep or mop I notice yet another scratch. These minute crevices arrive in my flooring largely because over the course of our lives here I have avoided sweeping until I absolutely couldn’t stand it or someone was coming over to visit. Each time I let the fine particles accumulate I provided a fine sanding tool underfoot. Imagine strapping sanding blocks to your family's feet and telling them to cook breakfast. Are you cringing yet?

Are they there for wearing? Yes. Are they supposed to be tough and keep up with my family? Yes. Do my floors meet these criteria? Yes. If my floors weren’t particularly sturdy I’d be researching new flooring instead of considering the investment potential! Truthfully, I have looked at new floors and that process inspires this kind of contemplation in anyone. Several thousand dollars worth of new carpeting or hardwood / bamboo floors created a new appreciation for my “original flooring” and the “well-loved” patterns that make my home so comfortable. At least, that’s how I saw it just after the sticker shock of the new ecologically friendly bamboo flooring wears off.

So – I sweep. I sweep with more gusto now and perhaps a little more thoroughly than in prior years. Certainly I sweep more often. I have the idea that I’m lovingly and gently brushing away the pieces of hard scratchy stuff that is silently, slowly wearing away at the home I maintain.

Welcome to my Home!

2007-06-27T08:33:00.000-07:00

Not normally I’m not a “joiner” and I’ve resisted the urge to begin a blog for about a year now. Secretly, of course, I’ve kept a Live Journal for my friends. I’ve realized I must push beyond my safe harbor of friends and into the Blogsphere with the ideas that just won’t stay contained in my mind.

Welcome to my new electronic home and the chronicles of my journey as a Domestic Goddess!

The moniker “stay-at-home-mom” is one that the people I meet in my daily travels apply to me without thinking, and it’s a term I seriously object to carrying. First, I’ve never known more than a handful of SAHMs who actually stay in their home. I’m constantly running errands or going to a meeting. If you think my day is sedate just try keeping up with me sometime! Secondly, the term implies that I am first and only a mother. I am a home manager, a gourmet chef (no joking!), a writer, a home schooling parent, and a number of other things. Limiting me to that one little name is like saying someone “does medicine” when they are a doctor changing lives. I am very happily a mother, but that is not where my identity starts or ends and I want the people I interact with to understand how big I am. Third (and lastly), the term SAHM idly alludes to the prevalent misconception that I do nothing but sit on the couch, eat bon-bons, and play with my son.

It’s a downright lie and I’m out to change how people view women like me. The nice lady at the bank who mistakenly put down “unemployed” for occupation when I’d clearly said “Stay-at-Home-Mom” never knew what hit her. I didn’t really blast her out of the water with my sink sprayer, but I did distinctly correct her until she changed it to reflect Mother / Writer. It was a compromise on my part, but it was a beginning for a mission about which I feel very passionately.

I do feel for the bank lady with her preconceived notions because its not her fault that society has chosen to denigrate one of the most pervasive and innately powerful roles – that of societal caretaker. The lady had no reference point for the power and structure I give to my corner of the world and certainly the pitiful term she used doesn’t convey the idea that this is an important career and contribution to life as we know it. So, I’ve decided that in the future when asked what I do for a living my response will reflect the time, energy, research, asset management, focused attention, gentle and not-so-gentle care, and devotion I have for making our lives better.

I am a Domestic Goddess.

I consider myself to be a Domestic Goddess, but my concept of this job / role includes anyone who chooses the caretaking of family with passion, dedication, thought, and creativity. Family is defined loosely as those you care about. Blood, biology, and age aren’t a factor. You can be a DG without children, without a spouse, without anyone else but your furry four-legged friends. It’s an attitude and I dare anyone else to label me “just” anything every again.

(and just for reference: DG is just shorthand for Domestic Goddess)