The School book also changes

Yesterday, although it wasn't for the very first time, I sent my Sunshine to public school just down the road from our house. The first time was for three weeks in Kindergarten, but let's not get lost in the painful past. There are a myriad of reasons for putting a hold on homeschooling, and logically they are very sound.

1. I needed the time since I am possibly having total reconstruction on my knee in a few weeks.
2. He's 10 and is going to have to learn that there is another system out there and how to manage it for himself.
3. He can't make an informed decision about homeschool / public school if he's never seen the other side of the schoolyard fence.
4. This experience is one he has never shared with his peers, and at least somewhat it isolates him socially. A little time experiencing that world can give him lots of understanding and he'll get the cafeteria food jokes.
5. The time he is in school could allow me to do some side writing to earn a few bucks and help us out financially, something I'm sure tons of people are trying to do just now.

Logically, it is a clean and well thought choice we've made. Emotionally I'm not so sure I can find my center and breathe yet. I made it 5 minutes without wishing my partner in crime was home with me and then I determined that I needed to get on that looming To Do List of Doom (tm). That worked right up until I realized I didn't know how to be alone anymore. How in the world did this happen? Surely I've been alone over the last 10 years? Hello! I'm a Domestic Goddess for goodness sake!

Apparently one of the biggest reasons Sunshine needed a trip down the road wasn't about him, it was about me. A few hard minutes with my journal (the first time in months) gave me a pretty harsh look in the dusty mirror. Truthfully, I've been focused outside of myself and I've forgotten how to truly be alone and put my own list of items to do at the center of my thoughts. I've been care-taking for everyone but me, a major crime even in my own book.

So I'm back to square 2.4 (I'll never go back to the "just a mom" place of square 1) and I'm learning to be this new person with a new schedule. And yeah, 6 am finds me crying out for lazier days and peeling my kid out of bed. Doing it together with him, though, means we get to share that piece of the day at least and I kinda like the music he chooses to listen to while we eat.

Maybe he only stays a semester in public school, but I'm gonna give it a try to see what we each learn from this experience.

I've already learned that I can get tons done in the early AM and that makes me feel 9 feet tall, but by 10 o'clock at night I'm wilting and I'm only 5' 2" again. What makes you tall? What has you putting a smile on the calendar and saying "yep - I did it great!"?